ay be defined a mutual attachment subsisting between two persons, and arising not merely from the general principle of benevolence, from emotions of gratitude for favours received, from views of interest, or from instinctive affection or animal passion, but from an opinion entertained by each of them that the other is adorned with some amiable or respectable qualities.
The object of the general principle of benevolence is mankind, not any particular individual. Gratitude regards the person from whom he who feels its emotions has received a favour, whether that person be a virtuous or a vicious, a respectable or a contemptible character; it prompts the person obliged to make some suitable return to his benefactor, but not to enter into any particular intimacy with him merely on account of the favours which he has received. Many connections are formed and dignified with the name of friendship, upon no other principle but the sordid hope which one or perhaps each of the parties entertains of accomplishing some selfish purpose through the assistance of the other. The instinctive affection which a parent entertains for his child, as well as that which the child feels for his parent, seems intended by nature to form an union between the persons thus related to each other; but the union between parents and children, when supported by no other principle but instinct, is different from friendship; it extends no further than to cause the parent to provide for his child during his helpless years, and the child to look up to his parent for protection and support. We need not mention that appetite which is the foundation of love, and is the provision which nature has made for the continuation of our species. This appetite alone, and unassisted by some nobler principle, cannot give rise to any connection worthy of an honourable name.
After excluding these principles, we can refer the origin of friendship only to "an opinion entertained by each of the parties between whom it subsists that the other is adorned with some amiable or respectable qualities." A connection founded on different principles we cannot honour with the name of friendship; but that which flows from his pure source must be noble and virtuous. When two persons of virtue and abilities contemplate each other's character and conduct, they cannot but view them with complacency and esteem. Habits and actions displaying rudeness, fortitude, moderation, integrity, benevolence, and piety, naturally command the approbation of the impartial spectator, and even affect him with delight. But as we are disposed to revisit a landscape the beauties of which we have contemplated with rapture, and read with frequent delight a poem in which genius has faithfully delineated some of the most enchanting scenes or the most interesting events in nature; so we also become desirous to enjoy frequent opportunities of contemplating a character distinguished for eminent abilities and virtues. Hence, whenever men of truly respectable characters enjoy opportunities of mutual intercourse, an attachment naturally takes place between them, entirely uninterested, and founded solely on the approbation with which the one cannot avoid regarding the conduct of the other. The esteem which the one is thus induced to entertain for the other will lead them to seek frequent opportunities of enjoying each other's society, mutually to ask and listen to advice, to trust their most secret and important purposes to each other's confidence, and to be less concerned each of them for the other's interest and honour than for his own. This, and this alone, is genuine friendship, founded on virtue, and on that approbation which virtue never fails to command; it is a natural consequence of intercourse between virtuous men.
But perhaps such a pure and sublime attachment can scarcely be expected to exist among beings of so mixed and imperfect a character as mankind. The wise man of the ancient Stoics, or the Christian who fully obeys the precepts and follows the steps of his Saviour, might be capable of it; but, unfortunately, humanity never reaches such perfection. Even the purest and most disinterested of those friendships which prevail among men owe their origin to other meaner principles, as well as to that which has been mentioned as the principle of genuine friendship. There are certain circumstances favourable, and others adverse, to the formation and continuance of friendship. These, making amends, as it were, for the imperfection of human virtue and human knowledge, lead men to overlook each other's faults and follies, and to unite in the bonds of friendship; a friendship which, though less solid, less generous, and less lasting, than that which we have above described, is yet attended with effects favourable to the happiness of individuals, and to the interests of society in general.
Equality of age is favourable to friendship. Infancy, manhood, and old age, differ so considerably from each other in their views, passions, and pursuits, that the man will seldom be disposed to associate with the boy or the youth, in preference to one who has had equal experience in the world with himself.
They who cultivate the same trade or profession enjoy opportunities favourable to the formation of friendship. Equality of rank and fortune is also favourable to friendship. Seldom will a man of fortune be able to gain the sincere friendship of any of his dependents. Though he treat them with the most obliging condescension, and load them with favours, yet still either the sense of dependence, or resentment for imaginary injuries, or impatience of the debt of gratitude, or some other similar reason, will be likely to prevent them from regarding him with cordial affection. Similarity of taste and temper will generally be found favourable to friendship. Two individuals of mild, humane dispositions will naturally take delight in each other's society and conversation. They who are charmed with the bustle of a gay and active life avoid the haunts of the indolent and contemplative, and join hand in hand to climb the heights of ambition, or tread the round of amusement and dissipation.
As friendship is an attachment which takes place between certain human characters when placed in certain circumstances, there must therefore be laws for supporting the attachment and regulating the intercourse of friendship. Mutual esteem is the basis on which true friendship is established; and the intercourse of friendship ought surely to be conducted in such a manner that this foundation be not injured. Sincerity may be considered as the first law of friendship. Artifice and hypocrisy are inimical to all social intercourse. Between the deceitful and the honest, therefore, friendship can never subsist for any length of time. But though sincerity is to be faithfully observed in the intercourse of friendship, yet the harshness of contradiction must be carefully avoided. Those obliging manners which are so agreeable in an acquaintance or casual companion are still more so in a friend. If they are necessary to recommend the advantages of social intercourse in general to the members of society, they are no less necessary to communicate a charm to the intercourse of friendship. Mild obliging manners are understood as the natural and genuine expression of kindness and affection; boisterous rudeness, petulance, and neglect, are naturally considered as expressive of opposite sentiments. Mutual confidence is the very soul of friendship. If friendship be rightly defined to be a mutual affection founded on mutual esteem, those who are united in the bonds of friendship cannot but repose mutual confidence in each other.
Many instances are related which show what power it is possible for friendship to acquire over the human heart. We need not here repeat the well-known story of Damon and Pythias, whose generous friendship afforded a spectacle which softened even the savage heart of Dionysius. It is known to every school-boy; for the affecting narrative of Valerius Maximus has been studiously detailed and commented on by almost every succeeding story-teller or moralist. Addison, in one of his Spectators, gives a beautiful little relation, which finely illustrates the power of both friendship and love. The reader is referred to the number of the Spectator in which the narrative occurs.